Beautiful Eyes
by The Parody Grapevine
Summary: First story by The Parody Grapevine. Sora finds a mysterious girl at Rising Falls, with a knack for 3s and 5s... [[Chap. 3 NOW UP!]]
1. The Problem

**Beautiful Eyes **

**Well, it's the first story of The Parody Grapevine, written by French Affair. This is a MARY SUE PARODY. I am neither feminine nor sexy and I cannot wield a weapon for the life of me. Read and review.**

**I don't own Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy or any other Square character.**

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Try as he might, Sora couldn't muster any strength. He just couldn't. His frivolous activities trying to beat Riku and Tidus at a running race tired him out. It was sunset, and Kairi was calling out to him to come to dinner. Suddenly, on the shore of Rising Falls washed up a girl with beautiful blonde hair and a face to match. Her back was adorned with a pair of angelic wings, and she looked so shocked to be here. The first words out of her mouth were:

"omghi2u!!!"

Sora gaped. This beauty, this heaven-sent goddess, was speaking nerdy hacker. "P...ardon?"

"omghi2u!!! wtf? r |_| gh3y 0r 50m37h1n9?"

He was still gaping. Luckily for her, she had looks. He picked her up, and she started twittering in 3s and 5s about how appalling the new Love Hina was. You'll pay, Author. He was too stupid to realise this girl was far more dangerous.

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"omgwtf? grrl |_| 50 gh3y 1n 7h47 5k1r7." The girl, whose name turned out to be Alannah, started twittering at Kairi, who couldn't understand for the life of her what this turd-cheek was on about. "Pardon?"

"omgwtf r |_| d34f 0r 50m37h1n9? 1 541d 'omgwtf? grrl |_| 50 gh3y 1n 7h47 5k1r7'."

Kairi started crying as she got what it meant. Riku let the hacking continue, while he quietly fantasised about drenching the woman in caramel slice.

=-=-=

The next evening, a thunderstorm arrived at Hollow Bastion. Sora ventured to High Tower and found Alannah doing some "h0c|_|5 p0c|_|5" while lightning zipped around. She cackled, threw her head back and started twittering once again. Sora sought divine intervention and was greeted by a pair of keyblades. "Not again!" groaned Sora, snitching them before the girl got a hold of one.

"omgwtf? G1MM3 T3H BL4D3!!!!" She lunged at him, snatching the one with the love heart. Sora shrugged, he hated pink-

"omg 1 4m t3h 1337! T3h 1337 1337 1337!!" Alannah swung the blade around with amazing precision. Sora assumed she played shockey [hockey with an electric ball] or cricket, but she looked just as shocked. "omg1337!"

Sora didn't want the morning to come.

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**Hey. This is a KH Mary Sue parody, parodying the way the authors all sexify themselves and make all the main guys want to bed them, usually adorning themselves with wings and the powers of the keyblade. Read and review. Flamers [particularly Mary Suers], shoo.**  



	2. The Plan

**Beautiful Eyes - Chapter 2 **

**Fweeness! I'm back [this is French Affair, Jynx relinquished the choice], and I'm typing. For those uninformed: 1337 = leet = elite. 1337 speak is where you replace the letters with numbers resembling the letters. Anyway, on with the story.**  
  
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The morning did come. It came like it never came before, and Sora couldn't be more miserable. The damn thing had been up all night with Riku and Cloud, and they'd been at it till the cows came home. And they came home, and the three went at it like there was no tomorrow. Then tomorrow came. Then Sephiroth came. And more ensued. Finally, the four went to sleep, and four other weary, baggy-eyed inhabitants of the castle dragged themselves down the stairs to the pot of coffee which looked more inviting than a hot bath. Kairi broke the silence.

"That girl has gotta go." She sank into her chair, rubbing her poor miserable eyes. Aerith nodded. "Sora, just a question...why didn't you-" Sora pulled up a pajama sleeve to show a hefty bruise. "Ooooow..." The two sympathised. Then, the door flew open and Yuffie barged in, holding a bag of various ninja weapons and other accoutrements. "I'M NOT HAVING THAT THING IN THIS CASTLE! Here's what we do..."

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"Mmmmmm...nice..."  
"omg133713371337!!!!"

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This new dialogue was easily audible, and Yuffie's enormous eyes started twitching violently."

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As the group walked around outside, busy browsing through the various other things that had mysteriously arrived, such as computers, the wheel, sliced bread and a DREADED TV WARPHOLE. Aerith, an accomplished fiction author fainted when she found this DREADED TV WARPHOLE, because of it's pure cliché aura, Yuffie started crying, Kairi's forehead swelled and Sora hid behind a piece of sliced bread, despite the somewhat tiny effect this would have on self-preservation. "IT'S A DREADED TV WARPHOLE!!!" Kairi screamed. "Oh my god!!! THAT'S HOW SHE GOT HERE!!! WE MUST FIT HER AND HER BARGE-ASS THROUGH HERE!!!"

"omgsp457ic, wtfr|_|d0i|\|9?"

Kairi's forehead swelled even more at the newfound rage she was experiencing. This was going to be a fight no-body would forget. Unless Sephiroth, in a frenzy of distaste at finding himself in bed with two other men and no visible oestrogen source summoned Chibi-Meteor and gave them all amnesia.

It was going to be a long day.

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**Nooo! Chibi-Meteor! If you're wondering what the hell she said, she said "omgspastic, wtfrudoing?" So...read, review and feck off, Mary Suers.  
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	3. The Poor TV Shows

**Beautiful Eyes - Chapter 3  
  
OMG I'm back! Now, children, the story is far from over! Watch and learn...  
  
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Before Kairi could do anything else, the TV warphole started gurgling. Then, it sucked her, Sora and Yuffie...ONTO THE WHEEL OF FORTUNE, WITH YOUR HOST, THE DARK LORD ANSEM!

Feather-boa clad Ansem strode out onto the stage, followed by an Invisible wearing a long, slinky gold dress, a blonde wig, make up and platform heels. Sora sweatdropped, as the Heartless sexily gestured to the lit up squares.

"S for...uh...smart?"

"EHHHH! WRONG!" Ansem pulled a chain and Sora dropped away. Kairi and Yuffie nervously exchanged glances. "Kairi, it's your turn." Kairi jumped.

"...Q for queen?" *ding* The Invisible tottered across, twirling the square.

Kairi sighed, relieved, although still worried about Sora.

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Where did Sora land?

"EH-OH!"  
  
In Teletubby land!

"EH-OH!"  


The rabbit humped his leg.

"EH-OH!"  


He bashed it with a bike stunt peg.  
  
"EH-OH!"

Was he close to commiting Teletubby-cide?  
  
"EH-OH!"

Then Tinky Winky emerged from their hide.

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"Ok, Yuffie, your turn." Ansem leant over, looking quite eager.

"I'd like to solve it..."

"Yeeeeeeeeeeees?"

"Queen of Heart?"

"EHHHHHHHH! WRONG!" Ansem pressed the button and away fell Yuffie. "It's Queen of Hearts!"

"But Sora said S..."

"BE SILENT!" Ansem pressed the button again and away fell Kairi. Then, he started eyeing up Invisible, who promptly walked over and began to press all kinds of buttons.

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Now, all three were stuck in Teletubby Land, with Tinky Winky attacking Kairi with his clutch purse. "EBAMOKEREPOG!" screamed the felt creation, while poor Kairi tried to defend herself. Suddenly, a big patch of felt appeared. On her butt. "EGADS!" she screamed, pulling at it to try and get rid of it. But, to no avail! The gay icon Tinky Winky had begun the slave process. Within 24 hours, Kairi would become a Tinky Winky clone.

While this was happening, Sora was fighting off Dipsy, who was trying to suck him into it's TV screen, where other poor innocent children were locked. They screamed for release, but Dipsy just shoved his hand in, pulled one out and GOBBLED THEM UP!

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Alannah was soon sitting on the throne of Hollow Bastion, which she fashioned out of...flowers. Don't ask how or why. She was busily satisfying Sephiroth, when Riku dashed in, with terrible news!

"The heathens have come! And they have **ONE AND A HALF** Tinky Winkies!"

"omgwtf?!g37t3hk|_|0pp1n470r!" (omgwtf?gettehkupoppinator!) Alannah stood up and fluttered her big, beautiful wings, tossed her long, golden locks and batted her huge eyelashes. "omgwtfr|_|d01n9?" She strode out, followed by them all.


End file.
